Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize