can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
