I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize