Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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