I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
