And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
