You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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