around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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