You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
