I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
