Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
