I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
