Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
