and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
