sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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