I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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