Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
