hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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