just come out here and I will go home with you...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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