I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
