I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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