Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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