Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
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there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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