She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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