Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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