I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
