How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
