Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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