I wanna bring you to show and tell
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
