I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
