There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
