I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
