so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
