The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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