Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
