either way he was missing a nipple.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
