you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
