there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
