You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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