sarcasm needs its own font
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
