Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
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Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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