Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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