shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
