I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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