I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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