He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
