Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
