i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
