jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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