what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
