Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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