he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
