This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
