Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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