Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
