I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
