Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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