Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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