I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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