She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
