you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
