We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
