The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
