My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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