I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
