38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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