i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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