My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
