Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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