My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
