are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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