so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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