hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
