Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
