Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize