We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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